Musing: Spare Change: A Royal Family Tell-All

Prince Barry, the third cousin twice removed from the heir apparent to the British throne, released his long-awaited Royal Family tell-all, Spare Change.

In the unflinching memoir, Prince Barry reveals the challenges of being raised as the 432nd in line to the British Throne. “You have no idea how tough it is growing up surrounded by such opulence, but knowing you will never be in charge.”

To help us grasp the hardscrabble life, the tale begins in the early days of Barry and his older brother, Walter, called Wally outside of public view. They were raised by Pa and Ma, the Duke and Duchess of Kettle, with only a minimum number of servants to cater to their needs.

In their youth, the brothers were close, bonded by the demands placed on them. Wally, though, was 431st in line, and that higher ranking pressured their relationship. An early altercation set the stage for their split.

“When I was three and Wally was four, we were playing in one of the castles. I hid one of his favorite toys—just as a joke—and he was outraged. He picked up a pillow cushion and swatted me with it so hard it knocked me down and I cried. Can you imagine? Brothers just don’t fight in normal families, right?”

Barry’s dissatisfaction with royal life extends well beyond sibling relationships, though. He still suffers from the memories of life at the elite, private schools he attended. “They actually expected me to attend classes. Not every day, of course, but at least once or twice a week. Always keeping up appearances, of course.”

As Barry entered adulthood, his dating choices drew scrutiny from the family. On his wedding day, they all pretended to be happy, but underneath, they seethed.

“They thought my decision to marry Mabel was an insult to the family. First, of course, she was from the states. An American! How dare I?”

But it wasn’t just that she grew up in a former colony. “She was a hairdresser. Wally was sure I did that on purpose. Look, it’s not my fault I still have my hair, and he doesn’t.”

The question for Barry, of course, is why reveal all these family secrets? Why write such a book? His answer in the riveting TikTok shorts, Barry and Mabel, deflects the question. “I didn’t actually write it, of course. That would be beneath someone of my stature. They hired a ghostwriter, but I had to sit and tell him stories. Utterly exhausting work.”

When pressed, though, he finally shares the ultimate reason. “For my privacy, of course. When you’re a Royal, there is no way to avoid the spotlight. I’m so tired of everyone knowing every little detail about my life. All I want is for the attention, the cameras, the press, and everyone else to just leave us alone. What better way to accomplish that than to produce a book and do a series of interviews?”

Which leaves just one last question for us to ponder. Fortunately, Barry tackles that head on when asked if the title of the memoir is a searing indictment of life as a modern-day Royal. “Have you tried living on a few million a year? It’s excruciating, so I needed a little extra money. The title says it all.”

Spare Change, the newest release by Randy Pigeon Publishing, is on sale everywhere.

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Until Next Monday

May you never suffer the hardship of having to live in an uber-wealthy family.

See you next Monday.